Brain dead

I don't feel like thinking, but I feel like posting, so here is some thinking I did last week some time. It's an exerpt from a [terrible] KOTOR (Knights of the Old Republic--a video game...) parody I'm working on in my free time. If y'all hadn't figured it out by now, I am a terrible geek and also something of a nerd. Still, I can't believe I'm posting this. It must be my ego getting the better of me.

An Exerpt from How to Save the Galaxy, Vol. One:

When Thane entered the cockpit, the viewport was filled with the idyllic blue sky and green grass of Dannon. Though he couldn’t make out details at this height, Thane knew there were packs of probiotics wandering around down there in the grasslands, hunting down unwary travelers, praying on lactose deer, and swimming in trugoy bogs. The air outside smelled of fruit and dairy due to the fields of invasive blackberry and the herds of cows that spotted the landscape.

Millenia ago, Dannon had been conquered and re-settled by large blonde warriors from the land of the midnight sun where the hot springs blow in the Northern Reaches of the galaxy (which lay just beyond the Rhineland Sector in the Outer Limits; the hammer of the gods). They brought to Dannon their particular sense of dress (mainly fur and horns), their culture of trade (“I’ll give you a strapping blonde baby if you give me your village and all your valuables”), and the strange probiotic hound whose spittle was filled with nutrients. The fur and horn look had been outlawed some years ago by young and idealistic animal rights activists, but the probiotics had flourished in the trugoy and the trading tradition now persisted in the form of other-worldly merchants who only conquered (unless you considered their prices a form of wallet-rape.).

Thane knew he had been to Dannon before—especially now that he was looking at it—but he couldn’t for the life of him figure when or why. It certainly didn’t seem like the kind of place he would willingly come to. There were too many rolling hills and groves of trees for the likes of him. Still, there was that niggling little voice in the back of his mind that told him he had grown up here. It was the same voice that told him what the Jedi tattoo on his arm meant, so he promptly ignored it.

Well, that and the floor suddenly fell out from under him leaving Thane to grapple for the back of Garth’s seat in order to not end up in a heap on the floor.

Damn inertia.

The Velour Pigeon rocked in a cloud of coolant and engine exhaust as Garth came to a jerking halt on the landing pad. The tall duracrete walls blocked out the rolling hills and groves of trees and Thane could almost pretend he was in the middle of some greasy city instead of on a grassy planet. Still, there was all that fresh air out there that sparkled in the sunlight rather than the processed air inside the ship or the polluted stuff on the worlds Thane liked to occupy, so suffocation would be a key thing to avoid. Thane made a mental note of it.

Once the boat had stopped rocking and vomiting gaseous bile, Thane smacked Garth up one side the head and down the other.

“Nice one.”

“We’re all in one piece, aren’t we?”

CRASH!!

“Well, almost,” Thane said. “But I was talking about bringing me to a sparsely populated planet. If the fresh air doesn’t get me, the lack of attention will. Or maybe the sunlight. I’m kind of a mole.”

Brazilla turned to look at him. “You really are unbelievable. I don’t think I have ever met someone who complains quite so much as you.” She then frowned and looked at Garth. “What was that crashing noise?”

“I think it was the port side stabilizer,” Garth responded. Everyone seemed far too nonchalant, all things considered.

“We need that,” said Thane, stating the obvious.

Garth gave him a parental Look. “I’ll put someone on it.”

“I don’t think that’ll help much. What’s he gonna do? Stand there and twiddle his thumbs? Have a little rest when he really should be reattaching it to the ship?”

“I meant that I’ll get someone to fix it. If I can find anyone to fix it. Dannon might be fresh out of mechanics and all of the tools it would take to fix the stabilizer. There’s no way we in this lonely band of travelers would be able to do it with the lack of tools we have. And even if we did manage to fix it, exiting the atmosphere would be just too much for the majestic Pigeon to handle and we would start falling apart, piece by piece, broken heart by—”

Thane noticed the guitar beneath the dash for the first time as the Republic soldier, country-western star wannabe reached for it, no doubt to pick a heartrending tune to accompany his lyric.

“They had better fix it quick, then,” he said, cutting Garth off. The other man’s hand snatched back from the bridge of the instrument, disappointment painting his features like a lonely sunset that spilled out over a vast and empty plain, hailing the dark, cold night that would follow—two lovers destined never to meet…

Everyone in the cockpit frowned, especially Garth for being outdone.

“I have a feeling we’ll need to get out of here quickly,” Thane said, getting back to the topic on hand. He seemed to be looking at a spot several inches beyond the plane of the viewport, but when he blinked, it was gone. Garth figured it was either his secret Jedi training getting the best of him or a growing concussion. The weal on the devastatingly handsome, would-be smuggler’s forehead told more than Thane would ever admit to.

“You’re not afraid of a few probiotics, are you?”

“I barbeque probiotics,” Thane said with a snort. “And eat their fuzzy little puppies. Those hounds are nothing. Less than nothing. No. I just have a bad feeling about this. And I don’t get bad feelings. It’s not in my genetic make-up.”

“I suppose you’re made of sunshine, too?” Garth said, standing.

“I am. And sunshine people don’t get bad feelings.” Thane gave them a single, resolute nod. It showed that he was unyielding, unwavering, and even unbendable on the subject. Thane Sunrider, Alcohol Consumer of Lore and Conqueror of Virginity never got bad feelings. It was a definite and stanch fact, one that he was firm and stubborn about it.

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And if you care to read more, my ego is telling me to direct you HERE. Erm, yeah ...awkward self promotion...